Wednesday - Friday

I cannot help but think about your pain and what i have done to add to that pain. I am so very sad that you are not able to be the loving kind affectionate man I know you ought to be.

I am sad that you really believed I treated you badly during our marriage. without ever putting things in prospective and taking responsibility.

We got married and immediately you refused to be fiscally responsible. I had never experienced anything and in my wildest dream would never think that I'd be married to a man who was not prepared to do whatever was necessary for his wife and family.

You often tell me you never felt like this was your home and I would do little thing to make you feel at home. You on the other hand did nothing to help create a home. The burden was totally on me.
I bought the little things that you needed. Everything from shoe storage to jewelry and change tray. I gave you a desk and create shelves for you. You have never given me one penny towards any of these things and for the seven months you refused to help me with our very expensive rent. Yes, you knew the amount before moving in and if you had no intention of helping or paying we should like responsible people moved to a more affordable place.

You never felt like this was home because you never make the investment needed to create a home so what you experience was mostly guilt because its easier for you to tell yourself and others that you never felt it was your home than you never invest in our home or contribute financially.
Back in January, I begged and pleaded with you to renew your per Diem contract yet with my business during the winter months slow and you not getting a lot of cases on your own, the per Diem work would be of some help and bring in some monies to help us out. YOU REFUSED!
I still struggle with that and guess will always because I just don't understand why a husband would not want to do what was necessary of what he can to support his family. Per Diem work is only a few hours per week.
The gym was were you choose to invest 15 hours. How do you think that made me feel?

Not once have I seen you look for opportunities. When I mentioned sending your resumes to certain places, you always opposed.

The man I marry, is the guy who went to law school after working in finance. The guy I marry, worked his ass off though law school and proved that he could do it. I don't know what happened to that guy but I want that guy back.

We watched a movie and it was just so very sad that after such an amazing Sunday, we are on opposite side of the sofa. My heart was broken.