The 15th

Thursday the 15Th is finally here.

All the work we did, the friendship we have reestablished and the team we have formed. I have a permanent picture of us in my head. We are at the laundry and its hot, over 100 degrees and we are sweaty but we are doing laundry as a team. Folding and bagging and stealing glances at each other.
Yes, its not romantic but it is us. We worked so very well together and when I look into those gorgeous brown eyes of yours. It get the chills every time.

For the last sixty days, I begged and I pleaded and I begged for us to make changes and seek therapy. There were days when I knew it was considered but there was never a commitment from you. of Course, asked why would he want to build a life with me and the boys? What is he so afraid of? Why is he so detached?

The answers I keep getting is: its is not about me. I could be the perfect wife and he"d still be detached.
I realized you are afraid of not living up to your expectation.s You are afraid that you will continue to disappoint me so it is easier for you to discard it all and go to a place where you deem safe. That is why it is so attractive for you to move out and away instead of doing the dirty work.

Then, I found out now in a straight forward way that you are moving back with your boy. Wow! What a shocker that was. All along, I keep thinking that you needed space to think and for us to re group and now I find out you are gonna be responsible for someone else again.

You are leaving me but moving with someone. Someone who isn't capable of taking care of himself here in NY. Someone who you carried for almost a year. Now, for the last 10 months, you were never able to help me financially not even with $200.00 per month in a household that required $4500.00. Oh, yea, you did pay the cable and buy grocery at times. You are moving with whom? and why?

Brian, how did you expect me to react. You are breaking up our marriage to live in a bachelor crib when you told me you wanted to be focused. Brian, you are NEVER with Jonathon and you are not drinking. He even allow you to drive when he knows you should not yet he is your friend. I and sure your responsible friends like Dion would never allow you to get behind the wheels. I am aaaaangry!

It was down hill and when you got back in again late....you were drinking so it was a disaster waiting to happened. When I asked not to mention J and walked out of the room. You attacked me and forced me to spend the next three hours recapping all that happened.

That is also why I am the enemy and the often the victim when you are frustrated.